CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

So, old Bernie Maydoff, the former assumed friend and benefactor of charities and other entities that trusted him to work miracles with their money, the ponzi poster boy, the bilker, the criminal, the cheat has finally claimed mea culpa. Is he simply knuckling under before a trial begins to avoid being confronted publicly with the people he has fleeced? Is he pleading guilty to avoid further public shame? It isn’t likely that he humbly prefers to save the public the cost of an expensive trial. Whatever his reason for saying, “I did it,” those of us who try to live our lives honorably in a presumed civil society, and especially those people who have been ruined or badly damaged financially by his outrageous civil crime, we are all left wondering what would be appropriate punishment. He wears a bullet-proof vest when he goes and comes to and from the courtroom, so we know he afraid he may be killed. Why has he decided to confess? What must he be thinking?

I can’t guess and actually don’t care what he is thinking, but I do have some thoughts about the punishment he should get for having committed egregious civil crimes. He is almost certainly going to receive a prison sentence that will stretch out to the end of his life. That bothers me. In prison he will receive three good meals a day for life at absolutely no cost to him or to his family. He will have a comfortable, warm, secure place to sleep every night for the remainder of his life. He will enjoy free medical care. It is likely that he will be sent to a low-security federal prison where his fellow inmates will be mild-mannered, genteel men who committed civil crimes. He won’t be in physical danger. He’ll probably be able to join a bridge group, practice whatever hobby he enjoyed on the outside, maybe even become good at something he always wanted to learn. Because he is an old geezer, he will probably be left alone by his fellow inmates. It’s not likely that he will be forced to become some big, ugly bruiser’s bitch. The annual cost to American tax-payers of his care and feeding will more than triple the dollar figure considered to be the poverty level for American citizens.

I have a suggestion. Don’t send him to prison. Implant a device in his body that will cause him excruciating pain whenever he enters any kind of enclosed shelter. Take away his wallet and any money he may have on his person at the time of his sentencing. Give him nothing but an old shopping cart with a wobbly wheel and turn him out into the street with no clothing except what he is wearing at the time of his “release.” Any member of his family who gives him aid and comfort will be subject to a huge fine, money which will go into a restitution fund for the victims of his crimes. He should be required to remain within the borough of Manhattan and to report each day to the police station nearest the luxury apartment he enjoyed before his sentencing. He should not be allowed to keep or use a cell phone. When he breaks the rules, disable another wheel of his shopping cart. His punishment should last for the remainder of his life.