Remembering “Dot” Higgins...The Memorial Service Honoring Her Today.

You know how it is trying to call up a visual image in your head of someone you know.  Of course, we have no trouble recognizing someone we know only casually and even superficially when we meet them on the street or in a meeting, but I’m thinking about the kind of recognizing/remembering-recognizing that we try hard to do when we know the person won’t literally appear before us but we really want to see her with our mind’s eyes... I’ve known Dot Higgins for twenty-five years... and remembering back, I can recall very clearly our getting acquainted... and we had good reasons for getting to know each other.  Our families had been happily joined together when Dot’s son David Higgins became my son-in-law and my son David Miles became Dot’s son-in-law.  We became family, and we were then and are now and will always be very happy that it happened.  Of course, we knew that the “in-law” part in the designations couldn’t be legal titles because the church and the states with which the families were affiliated declined to recognize their commitment and union as a legal marriage. 

David and David, two people who love each other, had decided to establish a home together. The two Davids, both Ph.D. molecular-cellular biologists, were highly respected in their professions; they had loads of devoted friends and supportive families who wanted only the best of everything for them; they were known to be good, honest, supportive citizens in their community; their incomes and properties were assessed and taxed in the same ways and to the same extent as other citizens; they met all their civic obligations as good citizens do; but they couldn’t be married because they were David and David, not David and Daphne. They were denied any and all advantages and privileges extended to officially married couples...because church and state objected. We easily ignored church objections, considering the objections to be based in ignorance and nonsense, and state laws couldn’t stop our two families from joining together in respect and joy and devotion to each other. Times are changing.  In spite of stubborn intransigence of churches (theoretically established on a basis of love), the State of California has changed its regulations and the Davids are now a legally married couple. 

And that brings me to picturing, Dot... seeing her with my mind’s eyes.   It’s easy to remember her presence in any room.  When I think of her, what I remember most is her smile.  She had an infectious smile.  You know... the kind of smile that makes it impossible not to smile back. I like to think of finding her standing in her kitchen after Margaret and I have come down the stairs in the morning.  She says,  “Good morning, Jerral and Margaret.  Can I get you a cup of coffee?”... and she couldn’t ask that without smiling. I’m going to remember her smiling. 

The pictures today are of Dot’s church and her house and her family... her five children, the boxer Dozia, her grandson Ian holding his two-week-old daughter Scarlet, and her four-year-old great grandson Colton.