I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Margaret and I live in a large condominium community on a hill above Mission Valley.  On this unseasonably cold early morning, when I went to throw away garbage and recyclable trash I came upon a homeless man sorting through the garbage collecting glass, plastic and aluminum... no car or pick-up... not even a bicycle.  He was scruffy, around fifty I guessed and definitely not clean and tidy. Because I was there very early before the community was stirring, he was startled and clearly expected to be confronted and perhaps scolded. I said good morning then hurried back home to make a ham sandwich for him. I put it in a bag with fruit.  I half expected him to be gone when I got back, but I found him eating some bread and other discarded food that had been thrown into the garbage bin.  I told him I had a  sandwich for him, but he resolutely refused it saying, “I’ve got enough. Thank you.”

I told him I’d really like him to have the sandwich.  He said, “No... but thank you.  It’s the offer that counts.”

I hurried back home again this time to get a card he could take to MacDonald’s to get food.  Again he wouldn't accept it.  I said, “Please, I’d like you to have it.”

He said again, “No, thank you.  I have enough.”  …and then he said again, “Thank you. Really man, thank you.  It’s the offer that counts.”

I asked, “Are you all right?”

He looked at me closely… into my face and eyes and paused before saying kindly...softly, “I’m O.K.  Really, man, I’m O.K.  I’ve got all I need.” 

In that moment, the situation changed… our roles were switched.   It became clear he now felt he needed to be deliberately kind... to take care of the old guy who was trying to help him. It was clear he didn’t want me to feel bad that he wasn’t accepting my offer of help… so I went back home with my sandwich and my Macdonald’s card and a lot to think about…